So I just came across an article called "Is it Possible to Love Anyone Forever?" and was pretty disappointed when I read it. Here's the link for the article if you want to be incredibly discouraged for your future:
Is it Possible to Love Anyone Forever?
I have a few issues with the article. I am not an expert- I am currently unmarried, but living with my boyfriend. We've only been together a year and a half. But I have very good examples in my life of strong marriages, and I want to share what they have taught me about a marriage and about love. I have one big issue with this article. (a few small ones, but one big one)
The guy that wrote this writes, "Love is, after all, an emotion—and just like anger, despair, or euphoria, it can be insubordinate to our conscious wishes."
As soon as I read that I thought- no wonder he can't keep anyone around. My parents have taught me, as well as led by example that love is an action. It is something you choose. If my parents ever fought (and apparently they did), I wouldn't have known. I don't once EVER remember my parents being angry at eachother, or unloving. They made a point of choosing love when we were around. I have been very blessed to live in a home like this: I never heard my parents fight. And guys- that's a HUGE deal, because what this guy is saying is true for a LOT of people.
At first, maybe it's those butterflies, and feeling warm, and being infatuated with someone, but if we all left our partners as soon as we didn't feel those things- nobody would last. And chances are, you'll feel those things again if you stick it out. It might even get better. Andrew has said to me a ton of times that when we moved in together, his dad said to him, "Choose your battles." and I think that's what love is about. It's really hard to try to define love, so I don't want to sound like I am. But I think a part of it is just making loving choices. Choose joy, choose peace, choose love in your relationships. I talked to my grandmother recently, and since my grandfather has died she's been making an effort to share with us more about them and their lives. She said to me (I'm paraphrasing here), that love is hard. It sucks sometimes. It could definitely be easier to be single. But after sticking it out for 50 years, she could say that she still loved my grandpa. They were still in love. Because they chose to be.
She talked about moving to Canada, and that it was a hard time for them. When Grandma got to Canada, she hated it and the thing she had feared the most happened - her mom died while she was abroad. And she kind of blamed my Grandpa for bringing her here. She could have packed her bags, and headed back to Scotland when she went for the funeral. Her kids were old enough to take care of themselves with Grandpa. She could have left. But by staying, and facing some rocky patches in her relationship with my Grandpa, and sticking out some lonely years not knowing anyone, and having ugly weather here, she wouldn't change a thing. She has no regrets. Neither of them do. And I think making it to their 50th anniversary this year is huge. I want to be able to do that too. But it's going to be pretty freaking hard to make it there if I walk out on Andrew after petty fights, or slight disagreements. Love has always been hard, I don't think it's getting harder- maybe we're getting worse at being in love; obviously society is changing along with our mindsets, maybe the staggering divorce rates are discouraging (or encouraging if you're getting divorced- everyone else is doing it right?), but I don't think love is getting harder.
We've all got this weird idea that being in love is easy. Something effortless, and nice, and pretty. That we could all be in lifestyle magazines or blogs, and have showy perfect lives. But here's the truth. That's BS. And if you ask me, I'd rather have one partner that's been to hell and back with me, than a handful that are still getting to know me when they say 'see yea! love is hard.'
So if you read that article, or if you read my little one here- I hope you're encouraged. It is possible to be in love forever. My grandparents were, and they're the best people in the world.
And my parents will be. I can tell you that I KNOW that. They made a vow to eachother 20 years ago, that they will not break. If they were going to, they would have already- because it's been hard. But they're fighters - for eachother, not against eachother.
Andrew, I love you, namaste, I am for you.
Is it Possible to Love Anyone Forever?
I have a few issues with the article. I am not an expert- I am currently unmarried, but living with my boyfriend. We've only been together a year and a half. But I have very good examples in my life of strong marriages, and I want to share what they have taught me about a marriage and about love. I have one big issue with this article. (a few small ones, but one big one)
The guy that wrote this writes, "Love is, after all, an emotion—and just like anger, despair, or euphoria, it can be insubordinate to our conscious wishes."
As soon as I read that I thought- no wonder he can't keep anyone around. My parents have taught me, as well as led by example that love is an action. It is something you choose. If my parents ever fought (and apparently they did), I wouldn't have known. I don't once EVER remember my parents being angry at eachother, or unloving. They made a point of choosing love when we were around. I have been very blessed to live in a home like this: I never heard my parents fight. And guys- that's a HUGE deal, because what this guy is saying is true for a LOT of people.
At first, maybe it's those butterflies, and feeling warm, and being infatuated with someone, but if we all left our partners as soon as we didn't feel those things- nobody would last. And chances are, you'll feel those things again if you stick it out. It might even get better. Andrew has said to me a ton of times that when we moved in together, his dad said to him, "Choose your battles." and I think that's what love is about. It's really hard to try to define love, so I don't want to sound like I am. But I think a part of it is just making loving choices. Choose joy, choose peace, choose love in your relationships. I talked to my grandmother recently, and since my grandfather has died she's been making an effort to share with us more about them and their lives. She said to me (I'm paraphrasing here), that love is hard. It sucks sometimes. It could definitely be easier to be single. But after sticking it out for 50 years, she could say that she still loved my grandpa. They were still in love. Because they chose to be.
She talked about moving to Canada, and that it was a hard time for them. When Grandma got to Canada, she hated it and the thing she had feared the most happened - her mom died while she was abroad. And she kind of blamed my Grandpa for bringing her here. She could have packed her bags, and headed back to Scotland when she went for the funeral. Her kids were old enough to take care of themselves with Grandpa. She could have left. But by staying, and facing some rocky patches in her relationship with my Grandpa, and sticking out some lonely years not knowing anyone, and having ugly weather here, she wouldn't change a thing. She has no regrets. Neither of them do. And I think making it to their 50th anniversary this year is huge. I want to be able to do that too. But it's going to be pretty freaking hard to make it there if I walk out on Andrew after petty fights, or slight disagreements. Love has always been hard, I don't think it's getting harder- maybe we're getting worse at being in love; obviously society is changing along with our mindsets, maybe the staggering divorce rates are discouraging (or encouraging if you're getting divorced- everyone else is doing it right?), but I don't think love is getting harder.
We've all got this weird idea that being in love is easy. Something effortless, and nice, and pretty. That we could all be in lifestyle magazines or blogs, and have showy perfect lives. But here's the truth. That's BS. And if you ask me, I'd rather have one partner that's been to hell and back with me, than a handful that are still getting to know me when they say 'see yea! love is hard.'
So if you read that article, or if you read my little one here- I hope you're encouraged. It is possible to be in love forever. My grandparents were, and they're the best people in the world.
And my parents will be. I can tell you that I KNOW that. They made a vow to eachother 20 years ago, that they will not break. If they were going to, they would have already- because it's been hard. But they're fighters - for eachother, not against eachother.
Andrew, I love you, namaste, I am for you.
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