tbh

So yesterday was my birthday, and I worked 10 hours. I was ok with it though. It's life.

The problem was that I was out of the ordinary sad. I couldn't figure it out for a long time. I was just really sad. And you know when you're a little sad and you start thinking of all the sad things in your life... well that's what was happening.

Grandpa came into my mind, and whenever I think about him I have a strange thought process that goes like this:

I miss grandpa, self...
Hey self- Don't think about it, you don't want to cry right now
...Guilt about trying not to think about him
...More sad

I don't know what the right answer is, because I don't want to burst into tears at work, but it always pops up on me when I'm in public. I want to remember him. But I want to be able to do it without crying- I guess there just hasn't been enough time.

Or maybe I'll always miss him this much.

Anywho, I cried and was sad on my 19th birthday, but then I had a spiked lemonade after work and went home and fell asleep right away and it's a new day and we've been eating healthier and Aj will be home early. So that's good.